1 star: not worth consuming. 2 stars: maybe give it a shot if youve got money to burn or literally nothing else to do. 3 stars: worth consuming. 4 stars: pretty DARN good! 5 stars: reserved for the best of the best, MUST CONSUME.
Outer Wilds is one of a handful of games i consider to be perfect. along with its dlc expansion, Echoes of the Eye, Outer Wilds is the #1 game that you have to enter blind and continue through blind until you exit the other side enlightened. i could go on about each individual thing i love about it, but i fear that those who havent played or havent beaten Outer Wilds will see this and be spoiled, even a little bit, on something they couldve discovered themselves. so please, for your own good, go shut yourself in an Absolutely Safe Capsule, steal enough money to buy the Archaeologist edition, and play it to completion. but just. GOD. THIS GAME. FUCK.
Getting Over It is a game only enjoyed after beating it about 3 or 4 times. the first climb is an absolute slog, complete pain, ill admit. but after a few runs, it begins to become a genuinely satisfying and fun game, toying with the physics, and a rather addicting game to speedrun. but really, what hasnt been said about Getting Over It. LE HARDEST GAME OF ALL TEIM?!!!/11!//1?!??!? no. of course not. but it is pretty darn hard that first time, IF YA SUCK!!
Cruelty Squad is a disorientating, arresting, assault to the senses. jumping in blind is recommended for those with a CEO grindset. lots of the game is simply acclimating to the acidic environment, figuring out how to navigate the swamp. once it has converted you into a part of it, a being of pain, you can start playing the actual game, which is stupidly fun. the movement is snappy and satisfying, the guns are loud and powerful (in your hands as well as the enemies') and the levels are labyrinthine and disgusting and hilarious. Cruelty Squad is probably the first game ive seen to tell jokes through its mechanics and level design. keep playin the slots it has a suuuper powerful gun in it ;;)
Ghost Rider is a classic Nick Cage romp, where he becomes the fucking sickest entity of all time and takes down the devil. what a cool dude. if i made it, he would emit the bad to the bone riff whenever he changes, but i digress. its worth watching for a fun little demon adventure that takes itself way too seriously. also, most of it was shot in melbourne!! he rides a motorbike up that one bridge in the city, its awesome. overall, its not a super impressive work of art, but still pretty decent for what it is (nick cage. need i say more?)
an exhausting 2 hour long slog of a movie which very well could have been 40 minutes long. unnecessarily drawn out driving scenes, absolutely nothing plot (why not just get everyone together and kill the hell out of the guy?), but still a rather satisfying ending. nick cage was too normal for a nick cage movie, and should have been less focused on the cardboard cutout characters. sphinx was my favourite, since he barely talks, and his few lines are poignant. required for the Despite All My Rage achievement (watch every nick cage movie) so i still recommend getting it over and done with. not his best work by far
a goofy lil album of midi-sounding tracks. not well liked among other spuds, but a personal favourite of mine. Fourth Dimension and Puppet Boy are some of my favourite DEVO songs out of all of them. Shout, the song, is kind of lackluster for the opening track, but still charming. the whole album has a sort of "not really trying, but we're having a good time" vibe around it, and it still sounds pretty DARN good.
i mean. im only making this review for posterity, so that i can say i made a review for every game ive played, but. come on. its Half-Life. do i need to say anything. this game slaps
look, as much as i hate war, i love cool shit. Top Gun was a huge proprietor of cool shit back in its time, and is still pretty cool today. the issue i have is that im so anti-war that i cant enjoy it as much. while everyone else cheers that tom cruise lived, they ignore the three guys he had to kill to do it. Top Gun Maverick i think handles it much better; instead of just a wartime battle, the 'rogue state' (note they never say any specific country when referring to it, just 'the enemy') is breaking NATO rules to create a plutonium reactor or something. the whole never saying the country business was a pretty good move, but was also subject to many jokes (yeah, show those commies/fascists/none of the above!). i did also enjoy that the high-stakes situation was essentially ripped directly from Star Wars. i mean, youre in a little jet flying through a narrow passage at low altitude while avoiding missile defence systems to shoot a bomb into a tiny hole. and he literally gets saved by hangman like hes fucking han solo. its exactly the same. still, Star Wars is good, and so is Top Gun, and so putting them together worked surprisingly well. and frankly, as Top Gun sequels could've been, this was a pretty DARN good way for it to go. (note: i watched it on IMAX, so this may or may not affect my judgement)
as a self-proclaimed MASTER OF TIME TRAVEL, this is one of the few things that actually get it right. a self-fulfilling prophecy of a static timeline, where FINALLY time travel doesnt actually affect anything except complete what had been done earlier. time travel CANNOT change the future. the entire timeline is static and unable to be changed. there is no such thing as the 'present', rather the perceived present according to the individual. 12 Monkeys manages to deliver a satisfying mystery while still using time travel correctly by delivering it in the same manner the characters do; following every time jump and seeing every inconsistency fall into place. small details make big noise later on, and i LURRRVE this in a movie.
ive always had a fascination for ocean life, and for conservation of such life. and so it REALLY SUCKS to see how fucked the oceans are all getting!! but In Other Waters demostrates the wonder and fascination i feel about all the wondrous life in our oceans, and also about what might lurk in oceans yet to be discovered (we're talkin xenoplanets baby) and also how we also totally shouldnt let companies make space programs. baikal is basically spacex in this game. i would not be surprised if the awful garbage that happens in this game was to be done personally by elon musk. its super impressive how it manages to convey the beauty of the oceans without actually showing you anything; your only viewpoint the whole game is through a minimalistic console and the only way you ever really SEE the creatures is through lab sketches. but the descriptions of not only the living things, but the physical structures and the sensations your human partner experiences really lets you feel what its like without ever really letting you see it. its like in a ttrpg when your gm is super good at describing whats going on and youre just TRANSPORTED there. and the added aspect of communication with your human pal being simply yes/no answers really adds a lot to how your character and they communicate. required reading for sure
Man On The Moon, like its subject Andy Kaufman, is not for everyone. i watched it with my dad and stepmum, and partway through my stepmum just had to get up and leave. the disgust was visible on her face the entire way through the part she saw. meanwhile, my dad and I were absolutely cackling. an incredible depiction of unorthodox entertainment, Man On The Moon shows off Andy Kaufman's brilliant side, without all the downtime. a completely impossible character today, fit right in back in his time. Jim Carrey's performance is really incredible, able to entirely change his whole aura. really transformed into the many characters that make up the man of Andy Kaufman. highly recommended if youre a huge weirdo (like me)
to actually enjoy this movie, you have to have gone down the hellish path we have; watch a lot of nick cage in a relatively short period. it really gives you a taste of how fucking goofy this movie is. in-jokes, references, its the Last Action Hero of the new millenium. also nick cage makes out with himself and yells "nick cage smooches good" at one point so i think that on its own gets it at least 2 of the 4 stars i gave it
god FUCKING damn does this game earn every last drop of praise it gets from both me (if you've spoken to me i've probably tried to get you to play it) and from the countless other staunch mazovians out there across the pale (cringe. they're online.) the best praise i can really give is that i stopped playing for a month because i was so terrified of it ending. i couldn't bear the idea that the game would be over and there would be no more disco elysium for me. THANKFULLY, THERE SEEMS TO BE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF GAME IN THIS GAME, so i'll probably be in the middle of a playthrough for the rest of my life and i doubt i'll see it all by the time i clock out. I FAILED KIM.... ONE CHECK IS ALL IT TAKES TO LOSE HIM... ENJOY HIM WHILE HE LASTS (AND ENJOY THE GAME (BUY IT RIGHT NOW))
as someone who has never played a metal gear game, i can confidently say i still probably havent. mgr is so vastly different from other metal gear games in theming, storytelling, and especially gameplay. not directed by Hideo Kojima, its missing that essential essence of Insane Fucking Bullshit that Kojima consistently brought to the table. it greatly makes up for it with AWESOME CYBORG ROBOSWORDFIGHTING, which, if you know anything about this game, its probably that it has awesome cyborg roboswordfighting and funny senator man who punches you. but godDAMN this game is satisfying. i had no idea how to actually play for the longest time. i knew the controls, i knew the mechanics, but i didnt know how to Play. then, i pulled off a successful parry into a riposte, and that was the moment i started REALLY playing. probably my only complaint is the lock on system is goofy and the camera is fucked but other than that it is an impeccable feat of swag. the cool factor is TOTALLY OFF THE CHARTS for this one, i mean we've all seen the QTEs where you deflect a giant robots sword with nothing but your sheer will and we've all heard the awesome music ever since the internet decided a few months ago* that mgr was the meme game of the week. but yeah this is totally my favourite metal gear game ive played (rank 1 of 1) *made in november 2022
another instant classic from your main man Wes Anderson! his unique directing style shines through here once again, and really creates a one-of-a-kind aura to every scene. on top of the brilliant direction, the stories included are full of heart and soul, and the french atmosphere welcomes you into the town of Ennui. the charm presented in each shot, each full of life is incredible. must be watched with a pipe and a fine silk robe, its so fancy